and then the rain comes

and then the rain comes...in many ways. stopping traffic. causing delay. warming the heart in its indifference. the streets of new york city bring constant surprise. constant stimulation and question. st. marks place is a new world at 8am on a monday. there is one 24 hr market open and women in skirts and heels wandering to the subway. street punks wandering without umbrella staring at you.

i haven't been able to sleep. i keep telling myself it's because i'm in a new apartment. a new strangely huge air matress. a small room with large windows and an early morning sun wake up. but i think it goes deeper than that. i think the emotions that have been spiraling in my chest are trying to surface, aching to speak. and no amount of jameson can contain them. no attempt to disguise them in sleep or eats will suffice.

adjustment has arrived the scales are brought out and balance is speaking softly. asking for interpretation. remaining calm. the sounds of myself are becoming easier to decipher. i know that the boundaries are drawn. i know that love does not need to be held to be felt. i know that release of such bondage comes unanticipated. that removing the chains and red ribbon that have enjoyed the company of my wrists for nearly a year was more than symbolic. i have let go. i have decided to step into destiny, to create what i will, and to embrace every change in this world and my spirit with wild and reckless abandon. to love is to live and with effortless lust. along this road i am able to rest.

xokg.