i am listening. to the sound of thought that hits the truth of feeling that frees the fear that’s fleeting. i witness disregard in your eyes i lift my voice to the heat in your limbs i lay between the fire of regret and fervor of need and disinterest of life and of love and the color of lust.
when you wrap faith in fear. wordless. explosion. endless fascination. with regret. with mourning. with the joy that only expression can bring. in knowing. all of these things. are within our grasp. are not sewn onto our skin. but bathing us. in delight. in experience. in the present moment and past phases of perspective. i am owning all of this. i am pretending. no more.
prayers. weighted fingers. display warmth. energetic opposition. sitting within. voices. raised in unwilling support. where your fears meet my face and the wait is over. there is love in all of this. there is no more despair. there is no more time to waste. because. after all. after all this. we are still. a moment. not past. not gone.
i am soft skin exposing breath. i am soft hair resembling breath. i am grasping. at meaning. shooting my mouth in your direction. aching thought. regret a passing line. distance ever present. truth ready red blinking light. desire not in dire need of release but most certainly needing faith. for your mouth. a close second. in this race. has discovered the meaning. of water waiting steady. of death that brings me all that is ready.
i want to know where the storms go. when despondency sets in. when after effects quit rolling in. when my skin, which resembles your face...begins again. what wounds have found homes in this? what words have sunk in? what regret has found meaning in death. i walk in soft sequence. i laugh in afterthought. i give again and again and again. of myself. where within. you were once.
renewal. rebirth. reception. where fingers no longer trail. and enemies of the mind no longer linger. here in the foreground. without regret. insipid reminder of all that remains. when one falls into oblivion. is healed by love. and engendered into spirit through faith. bring this home. all ways. again. and again. and again. welcome 2009.
we're not in kansas anymore. or san francisco for that matter.
hello glorious world! i just voted. didn't know sucha thing would wierd me out. the voting booth was pretty much a teleport replica? i dunno bout the rest of the country...but i've only voted in san francisco and there we do it scantron style. pen and paper. oh yes. oh yes we do. we also have things called propositions. loads and loads of them. voting takes a while. and we all stand next to each other with lil black plastic partitions and vote. and when we're done we are rewarded with little oval stickers that proclaim 'i voted' and we walk around the city all day being proud of ourselves and our leaps into democracy.
today i walked into a junior high gymnasium. showed my voter card. went into aforementioned teleport replica and had to move a large red lever from left to right. then i had approximately 5 or so offices to vote for. that's it?! no booklets of literature to mull over? not arm and arm with strangers as we vote together? i mean, i knew this is how it would go down. there's been no propaganda on the streets and no 'vote yes on x/y/z' on the streets. i knew that the only thing anyone in nyc would care about today is this: vote for president. more specifically. barack the vote.
my choice was easy. i clicked my lil gunmetal grey buttons and saw the X next to Barack Obama's name. I voted for a few other candidates for senate and judge. and then i moved the enormous (yes, resembling something in a fun park) lever back to the left which then cleared my x's (i mean, counted my vote) and i was out. the whole thing took approximately 7 minutes. no sticker. no high-five's. well...i did call navani the second i got out to confirm that this indeed is how voting has always been in nyc. that was a good enough hi-five for me...and that was that. off to starbucks. yes i just said starbucks. they are giving out free coffee today. what the? yes my heart has just warmed to starbucks. but just a lil but. so everybody just calm down. san francisco i miss you. everyone there who is voting today, wear your stickers proud.
i'm not all nerves today. i know that the choices and the changes that are on approach have long been coming. this is speaking worldly, nationally and personally. i am one who adores change. pursues it. chases it. asks for it and snuggles with it. i know today we will receive it. however that may be. but it's coming. heck it's here. now if you'll excuse me. i must be off to obsess over electoral votes and decide where i'll be watching election night coverage with the gang tonight. watch out world. here we go.
PS a side note: in other news? the new shiny toy guns record 'season of poison' is out today. log on to itunes, amazon or bust your butt over to best buy or your local music store and BUY IT. buy 5. buy 10. buy 100. just buy it. there is no acceptable excuse for anyone not to have this record in their possession today.
embarrassin' kim garrison stikes again (and other stories).
i have a special talent. ok, perhaps many special talents. but one in particular is falling down. usually flat on my face. and for no apparent reason. (let's just say parked bicycles and i are not friends.) i've been limping along since a 1am subway encounter. you see it was just me and 3 clowns (clown #2, shorty and val kilmer). one small leap onto the j train. a lil bit of water. and well. now i have a knee cap the size of florida and arm bruises as parting gifts from subway poles. oh dear. ok. let's get on with the story.
sunday funday. i think yesterday we were on round 9? sister time. sibling time. new friend time. brunch and bar food and football. did i mention tequila? i blame christian. dang allergies. our standard sunday affair was in full swing. navani and dakin made it out. swooning. we all pretended to know something about football but after obviously failing (i think we shouted out team names for baseball instead of football?!)...we manifested some cards for our favorite round of 3-13. now, let me just get right to the point. past the beers and the shots and the food and the fun. let me tell you why i'm really here right now writing to you. because i'm pretty sure this would only happen to me. and i'm pretty sure i had about 4 witnesses. at least. so don't go telling me i'm exaggerating. or making shite up. or just plain crazy. or even creepy. cause outta nowhere. this really happened. are you ready?
a 5 year old was flirting with me.
now don't laugh. and don't you dare think i started this. i thought for sure i was hallucinating. so i asked sol to spy out of the corner of his eye. and dakin to watch in the mirror on the wall. there was some definite eyebrow raising. you know the kind i'm talking about. the wow-wa-wee-wa come hither move they do in the movies - kinda as a joke. i was sure i imagined it. until it happened again. and then he giggled. and then he leaned over to his father and spoke to him and pointed at me and it appeared he was getting some coaching. and then around the corner of the other barstool what appeared to be his older (12 year old?) brother was peaking at me. what the? ok. move on. that was funny i coulda laughed it off and ignored...if it had stopped there. as sol and i performed our usual shenanigans of laughing too loud and being obnoxious, this kid actually glared at sol! and ROLLED HIS EYES!!!!? convinced i too had imagined that i playfully pretended to slap sol to see what he would do......ummm. i'm not sure how to even say this. but. he gave me a thumbs up!? yes. people. this is true. this really happened. by this point everyone is trying to spy and see what he'll do next. scowling. eyebrow winking. dad coaching. thumbs up coercing. what next? this kid is gonna be quite the womanizer. you've been warned. and i really don't want to talk about how he threw himself up against the glass window as he was about to leave the bar. yes i said bar. and yes i swear to jebus he was 5. and he was with his parents. i'm scared. and now i'm embarrassed. next.
we left. we split up. i ended up with the boys. not THAT boy. MY boys. quelle suprise. by this point in time christian is about done for. but then he goes and orders tequila sunrises?! what the? oh and thanks dakin for chaperoning me in the bathroom. i was definitely afraid to go. let alone touch anything at the boiler room. hmmmmmmmmm. that was short lived. we couldn't convince christian to go hooka with us. lay. doc holiday's we love you. and meridith even more. so there we went. i am always amazed at how i still manage to find new things at this bar. it's like a treasure hunt for freaky people. for instance. exhibit a: there is a stuffed deer head mounted on the wall. seeing as how i have never sat anywhere but the bar i never noticed it before. i'm glad we were able to convince dakin NOT to make out with it. close. very close. thank god for my camera. there was dancing. and garth brooks loving. and lots of grabbing (i won't say what) and at some point i was in a falling barchair fighting off kisses and then saved midflight from crashing to the ground AGAIN. this time it was not my fault. i don't think. i dunno anymore. i plead the 5. or erroneous. or contempt. or preposterous.
i really need to learn some new legal terms. ok. that's all for now.
ps. clown camp nyc was in effect over the weekend. nashville came. saw. and conquered. pics soon.
ok kids. listen up. i'm scared to blog because i most likely will incriminate myself. first of all. here he his. i have somehow developed a micro-cosmic attachment to this man. don't worry. the feeling's mutual. what the?? HA. i heart all over his mom's face. take that clown.
now i'm not quite sure how to discuss last night without totally a) upsetting people b) being not-so-nice-and-that's-not-like-me or c) oh i dunno but there probably should be a c
ok. you want a list? sure you do. my brain can't really form very long sentences right now anyway. ok here goes. to all my 'friends' [;)] that convinced me this was a good idea? a nice little experiment? healthy? NIET. reasons why:
* 9th and a that's all i'm going to say. 9th and a. i don't know the address. i do not have the address. no no no. it's 9th and a. the first test = failed. NIET.
* jameson. and vodka. and beer. if you do not like at least one of the above - NIET.
* if you wanted to interview me you shoulda asked. i am not applying for whatever job you're offering anyway. NIET.
* hi. word of warning. i am tall. like monster sized tall. if you cannot control your staring and your head actually moving up and down as you take a look....NIET
* if you can't believe in dreams but settle for what's 'realistic' - NIET
and one final and very poignant reason. and my personal favorite:
* i'm not so sure i'm into confused bisexual go-go dancing police officers. but hey you never know, right? NIET.
dreams that decide how to stretch.
bare bones and open palms.
reaching for abundance.
curse the distant waves that
can only come closer
waiting for the lesser known
fate of a face to release
to find solace
and carry it
bright on his back
and place it
at my feet.
only in nyc can you have this much fun! [and this is what it is]
chi-town invasion? family reunion? spider monkey al quieda ninja clown parades?
check. all of the above.
cast of characters: sol christian mili greg tommie sunshine daddy devine karem locke tanya chris noel grampa (alex)
5 nights. wed-sun. and this is how it goes. extra curricular activities:
night 1: sushi with mili and greg. dj and dancing at the annex.
night 2: best thai food in nyc at pukk. wine and the ericksons at rockwood with grampa clown. meet christian and sol at docs for family reunion time. wander to 'pick up mili' at hookah bar on 3rd where locke is playing. end up falling into the hookah vortex, drinking beer, sol and i edward cullen-ing ourselves with watermelon double apple sweetness all night! being introduced as a famous singer. dancing skulls. fire breathing. managing to leave and head back to doc holidays. deciding we love hookah bars - who knew? home.
night 3: more sushi. delirious. ditching goldfrapp. rockwood again with mouth 'sneezing' wine. excellent singer songwriter. meander back to hookah bar with loads of wine. migrate to bowery electric to find daddy devine and greg. largest clown parade ever head to annex for a bottle and asking the very obvious question - why are we still out? cab home for edward cullen time.
night 4: ummmmm oh dear. roll outta bed. fling into east village for brunch at the heavenly paprika. business meeting with grampa clown (alex), christian and sol. come up with pretty much the best idea EVER that is going to catapult soooooooo much...just you wait and see. head to dumbo to retrieve concert tickets. take my red skirt and black vested almost x-rated self to meet sol and see in flight radio at irving plaza. rah-rah. bolt. pick up christian. subway to brooklyn. get lost and wander while boys joke that we are going to get shot and upset me by reminding me i live in brooklyn. find the bar. find tanya. eat tasteless burgers. enjoy blueberry beer. entertain ourselves with noel. chris shows up. ummmmmmmmm. [insert censored thoughts here]. ditch the party. cab to iggys. salvation in manhattan. madness. uh oh noel is giving me whiskey. oh dear christian is dripping his drink onto my leg and licking it off. oh my. chris goes home. i think we have a dance party. i definitely am challenged by a stranger and yes i pick him up. noel and i decide we need to learn swing dancing. [insert censored activity here]. ditch iggys. head to kellys. sad clowns to see mean mean mean man kick kid down stairs. almost get in a fight. decide chances aren't good. move on. find out how i was found out as a singer at hookah bar on night 2. the randomness of seeing karem and posse there was just tooooooo much. the right conversation. and finally. last but not least. after embarrassing myself in the corner store with inappropriate conversation as well as lime chips and cheese dip...it happened. the fucking NINJA stole our cab. 'um did you just call me a ninja!?' 6am bedtime.
night 5: yes there's more. 11am wake up. unheard of delirium sets in. must have benedict and coffee. meet boys on ave c. walk way too much in the way too freakin hot sun. after looking at at least 10 restaurants and even going so far as sitting down in one and then getting up and leaving we end up a block from 'home' and have pretty much the best brunch ever with the most fabulous french people YES. now it's time for games. oh and please do not forget the freakin sippy cups. why are people looking at us so strangely? why aren't they laughing more? what is so wrong with drinking out of santas brains. free pizza. and 3-13 games. migrate. i love gay bars ps. why? free pizza, HAPPY HOUR and FREE WII. wii bowling rules at life and makes me want to sneeze. sol is out of control because he wins at EVERYTHING and rules at life so much i almost want to hate him. supplies from whole foods and a trip to a non blog appropriate store that definitely took our friendship to a new level [insert x-rated innuendos here]. it's finally time. doc holiday's. meridith we missed you. more sippy cup action. more 3-13 action. i should go home. do i? oh heck no. garth brooks. i do believe i saw christian picking up johnny's sister and throwing her onto the pool table. and then there was pole dancing. i for sure have bruising on my arms from that christian. ps. i'm sure your knees are bruised too? we lost santa to the wasteland that is the floor behind the bar. sad clown. more dancing. more laughing. it's 2am. i'm in a cab. goodnight.
things that make me so unbelievably happy...it should...
...really it should just be illegal:
bacon, egg and cheese on a roll - um hi heaven
ABN - adult beverage night
coming home at 3am and causing a scene
reunion time with christian and alex and meridith and doc holiday's WOOOT [I have a photo of Christian in the market at like 230am and it’s kinda priceless coming soon!]
head automatica - for saving my life today. after 3 hours of sleep the past 2 nights i thought it quite possible i just might involuntarily teleport outta my body this morning on the subway. yes that means i was feeling pretty delerious. solution? blast head automatic on my ipod and unabashedly DANCE on the subway (yes in public). not only am i now awake but i'm giggling still and singing lines from 'laghing at you' 'at the speed of a yellow bullet' and 'lying through your teeth'
oh joy oh me oh my
oh yeah! and speaking of reunions. some random i met like um eight months ago resurfaced outta nowhere last night. love it.
and my phone is bursting now with all the new friends that are in it.
and and and
michael if you're reading this you better get yer skinny ass up to nyc next weekend before we send a squadron of angry mobsters to pick you up and deliver you to us.
shannon's here in 3 days ummm kinda the best thing EVER
jess will be here too ummm herro
and oh yeah don't forget kill hannah. dance party anyone?
ps if you need to a) wake up b) laugh and smile and feel happy to be alive c) i'm tired, just watch this:
what you witness. is beauty and truth. feeling their way. through archaic boundaries. through sweat and tears…bloodstains. giving through grieving. dancing in the sorrow of the self. to find rebirth. wait with regret no more. do not forestall growth for reminiscence. there is a place and time for all of this. and here. right now. in heaven. where we wait. i give and give again. in order to save myself. in order that we may find. what’s forgotten is already forgiven.
game on. bklyn, i love you! it's true. rampant screaming rain. thunder. lightening. surprise visit from a los angeles partner in crime. walking at least 8 miles. crossing the williamsburg bridge on foot. laying all the way down on aforementioned and very wet bridge. predicting the weather. 7 minutes anyone? spain winning the euro cup. spike hill madness. seeing jes hudak singing backup for enrique iglasius/ [rad]. impromptu brazilian dance parties. secret art galleries. insanely beautiful debaucerous graffiti. glasslands how i adore you and cannot wait to find you again. rockstar bar how tragically hip you are i can't wait to play there. kent street with your red door and art (ichobod? jesus? yes!). wandering wandering wandering. perfect. jax and taly. ummm you rule. oh yes and do not ever forget roebeling tea house. omg yum in my mouth.
and manhattan you are still loved too. for your amazing thai food, pukk you save my soul. hell's kitchen for your brand new irish bar. doc holiday's for bringing me stellar friends and more fun than anyone should be allowed to have with a jukebox. meridith, christian, i love you.
all of this. in under 24 hours? a good sunday indeed. ladies and gentlemen. kim garrison is back.
you are shades of green, misinterpreted. ancient grass of words which speak rhythms to me. my heart, unbinding lives of languid time. lost you are loosening my lucid lines of living with your hands inching in without words. stitching all the places unworthy of regret, into phrased phases.