??????? ?? ????? [i'm scared to blog]

ok kids. listen up. i'm scared to blog because i most likely will incriminate myself. first of all. here he his.

i have somehow developed a micro-cosmic attachment to this man. don't worry. the feeling's mutual. what the?? HA. i heart all over his mom's face. take that clown.

now i'm not quite sure how to discuss last night without totally a) upsetting people b) being not-so-nice-and-that's-not-like-me or c) oh i dunno but there probably should be a c

ok.
you want a list? sure you do. my brain can't really form very long sentences right now anyway. ok here goes. to all my 'friends' [;)] that convinced me this was a good idea? a nice little experiment? healthy? NIET. reasons why:

* 9th and a
that's all i'm going to say. 9th and a. i don't know the address. i do not have the address. no no no. it's 9th and a. the first test = failed. NIET.

* jameson. and vodka. and beer.
if you do not like at least one of the above - NIET.

* if you wanted to interview me you shoulda asked. i am not applying for whatever job you're offering anyway. NIET.

* hi. word of warning. i am tall. like monster sized tall. if you cannot control your staring and your head actually moving up and down as you take a look....NIET

* if you can't believe in dreams but settle for what's 'realistic' - NIET

and one final and very poignant reason. and my personal favorite:

* i'm not so sure i'm into confused bisexual go-go dancing police officers. but hey you never know, right? NIET.

only in nyc can you have this much fun! [and this is what it is]

chi-town invasion?
family reunion?
spider monkey al quieda ninja clown parades?

check. all of the above.

cast of characters:
sol
christian
mili
greg
tommie sunshine
daddy devine
karem
locke
tanya
chris
noel
grampa (alex)


5 nights. wed-sun. and this is how it goes.
extra curricular activities:

night 1: sushi with mili and greg. dj and dancing at the annex.

night 2: best thai food in nyc at pukk. wine and the ericksons at rockwood with grampa clown. meet christian and sol at docs for family reunion time. wander to 'pick up mili' at hookah bar on 3rd where locke is playing. end up falling into the hookah vortex, drinking beer, sol and i edward cullen-ing ourselves with watermelon double apple sweetness all night! being introduced as a famous singer. dancing skulls. fire breathing. managing to leave and head back to doc holidays. deciding we love hookah bars - who knew? home.

night 3: more sushi. delirious. ditching goldfrapp. rockwood again with mouth 'sneezing' wine. excellent singer songwriter. meander back to hookah bar with loads of wine. migrate to bowery electric to find daddy devine and greg. largest clown parade ever head to annex for a bottle and asking the very obvious question - why are we still out? cab home for edward cullen time.

night 4: ummmmm oh dear. roll outta bed. fling into east village for brunch at the heavenly paprika. business meeting with grampa clown (alex), christian and sol. come up with pretty much the best idea EVER that is going to catapult soooooooo much...just you wait and see. head to dumbo to retrieve concert tickets. take my red skirt and black vested almost x-rated self to meet sol and see in flight radio at irving plaza. rah-rah. bolt. pick up christian. subway to brooklyn. get lost and wander while boys joke that we are going to get shot and upset me by reminding me i live in brooklyn. find the bar. find tanya. eat tasteless burgers. enjoy blueberry beer. entertain ourselves with noel. chris shows up. ummmmmmmmm. [insert censored thoughts here]. ditch the party. cab to iggys. salvation in manhattan. madness. uh oh noel is giving me whiskey. oh dear christian is dripping his drink onto my leg and licking it off. oh my. chris goes home. i think we have a dance party. i definitely am challenged by a stranger and yes i pick him up. noel and i decide we need to learn swing dancing. [insert censored activity here]. ditch iggys. head to kellys. sad clowns to see mean mean mean man kick kid down stairs. almost get in a fight. decide chances aren't good. move on. find out how i was found out as a singer at hookah bar on night 2. the randomness of seeing karem and posse there was just tooooooo much. the right conversation. and finally. last but not least. after embarrassing myself in the corner store with inappropriate conversation as well as lime chips and cheese dip...it happened. the fucking NINJA stole our cab. 'um did you just call me a ninja!?' 6am bedtime.

night 5: yes there's more. 11am wake up. unheard of delirium sets in. must have benedict and coffee. meet boys on ave c. walk way too much in the way too freakin hot sun. after looking at at least 10 restaurants and even going so far as sitting down in one and then getting up and leaving we end up a block from 'home' and have pretty much the best brunch ever with the most fabulous french people YES. now it's time for games. oh and please do not forget the freakin sippy cups. why are people looking at us so strangely? why aren't they laughing more? what is so wrong with drinking out of santas brains. free pizza. and 3-13 games. migrate. i love gay bars ps. why? free pizza, HAPPY HOUR and FREE WII. wii bowling rules at life and makes me want to sneeze. sol is out of control because he wins at EVERYTHING and rules at life so much i almost want to hate him. supplies from whole foods and a trip to a non blog appropriate store that definitely took our friendship to a new level [insert x-rated innuendos here]. it's finally time. doc holiday's. meridith we missed you. more sippy cup action. more 3-13 action. i should go home. do i? oh heck no. garth brooks. i do believe i saw christian picking up johnny's sister and throwing her onto the pool table. and then there was pole dancing. i for sure have bruising on my arms from that christian. ps. i'm sure your knees are bruised too? we lost santa to the wasteland that is the floor behind the bar. sad clown. more dancing. more laughing. it's 2am. i'm in a cab. goodnight.

i love you guys.

why new york is the most insane city ever

i am going to do my best to remember it all. i should have taken more photo's. for now. let's begin.
[i am still laughing. and i'm pretty convinced i am some kinda zombie as i only slept about 2.5 hours and i am awake and actually productive? yeah...]

friday night.
jonezetta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so excited your show was sold out at the knitting factory. so glad we got to sneak in. you made girl night so much fun.

doc holiday's?
well i fail and am no longer in charge of girl night because of you.
thanks.

saturday night. oh my my my. let's just say...i revisited and rekindled my love for iggy's. danny and i had welcome to nyc time. pirate mike was working. and stretch showed up. who knew?

then i headed over to julep. ummmmm. all i know is that if you look closely at these next two photo's you might get an inkling as to what was really going on.





nice. uhmmm. shirts. dan!

if i had enough photos we could go through the whole progression. it was like fashion week all in one night. ps. this shirt does not belong to him. i will give you one clue as to who really owns it. loooooook clooooosely.





and yes it's true he likes to go into the bathroom and put on women's clothes [i witnessed this with my own eyeballs!] and yes i still love this kid [ssshhhhh it's a secret.]



and purely for my own enjoyment and because she does not remember putting on the shirt of her friend/boss's boyfriend i am posting this [sorry mer but i have to!]



highlights of the night include: jeffe. you were just freakin hilarious!!!!!!!!!! and dan. i like philosophizing about music/living and my dating life [or wonderful lack thereof] in the middle of a crazy dive bar with bad hip hop on, your friends cross dressing and mer taking more shots than she was allowed. we are all one big happy family again and that makes me happy!!! :)

sunday.
oh sunday.
sunday
sunday
saunday funday
how i love you always

now i must admit i miss shannon and kimberly terribly [duran duran and opening night at cirque du soleil that's all i'm going to say!] but oh man...last night!? doc holiday's?!

i know this bar is one of the most silly places ever and you are bound to see all kindsa crazy gypsy-ness but really? all of that really happened last night?

i mean...one guy thought it was open mic night. he pretty much set up his electric guitar and played [or tried to play] pink flyod all night. huh? cut it out man. the country music is depressing enough. you were not helping.

ok. stunts at the bar. danny was trying to rocket launch himself.



pbr and text messaging pretty much always rules the night.



now. i'm really going to try to preface these next pictures with some witty banter and explanation. but basically. there were some obscenely drunk people at this bar [big surprise i know]. but this night was special. well...HE was special. if i must summarize the night in one mere photo well this is it. this is the big winner. here you go. are you ready for this? really? ready? brace yourself:



his name is joe and yes he is attempting some strange acrobatic where he lifts his foot onto the bar while staring at us and i think talking in some barely intelligible gibberish.
it got even better when too lovely ladies came in and one decided that she would claim him as her own for the evening. it was definitely inappropriate.
let's just have a moment of silence now:





about this time in the night i check out. i head uptown. but ummmmm. i got locked out. so after wandering around 90th street listening to stg blaring in my ipod and almost crying cause i had to pee so bad. yep. i hoped back on the subway and returned to the scene. danny had returned as well. and we basically had to rock paper scissor over meridith. being homeless i won. almost had a mini meltdown. then continue with the evening. danny rules. and not just because he was my bathroom escort. [i will definitely live if i never see the inside of the men's bathroom at doc's again thank you very kindly].

in case you were wondering. we rule.



in case you thought that was all oh you're wrong.
the best part of the night was trying to decipher the words of the man next to me who had just sliced his own tongue. yes. apparently the day before he decided he wanted to split his tongue. apparently i have missed out on this new trend. i am just not cool anymore it's really sad. in any case. wow. good luck with that man. sorry you can't taste anything or talk without a lisp anymore. oh and thanks for the offer but ummm no thanks.

anyone wonder why i am single in nyc...?

you do what you do

only in new york. i have found you....the most amazing bar/speakeasy/restaurant i've ever been in. i don't want to tell you the name but go to 6th st in the east village and find the wooden door that weighs 100 lbs to open and enter. there are no windows. do not be afraid. get the first drink on the menu, the jalapeno infused tequila with lemon and strawberry puree. watch the long process it takes to make drinks. admire the men in ties and vests. and nina and frank on the stereo. be so happy to be in such a gloriously romantic and yet hip spot that is utterly chill and relaxed. heaven. thank you new york.

i have a plan and so many words to say. but not now. the appearance of so many old friends and loves and nights warm my heart. i hope you all can come visit. i think i've only slept alone about 4 nights since moving into my new place...so many visitors. keep it coming. now if i could just master this whole work/day/play/night/go-out-every-second-i'm-alive-in-manhattan attitude and not get sick we'd be golden.

life is so good it makes my tongue hurt.

oh yeah and ending up at random hip hop events with chi-town jess is just classic. nothing like mc's/dj's and loads of people wearing old school ray bands with neon sides and even more people wearing their glasses without any lenses in them. wow. flava-flav would be so proud! when the serious hip-hop was ending they started mixing in g-n-r. at this point i started shaking my head...it was time to go. lovers you chicago peeps. xoxo.

bliss [aka, the ny deli]

it's time to revisit this subject.
the new york city deli.
and what men do with eggs and cheese.
i'm not even a big fan of eggs. i rarely eat them but on morning like today [read: little sleep for 3 weeks straight now, coming off a best friend visit, a sister in town and two nights with shiny toy guns....] eggs and cheese and katsup and strong ethiopian coffee from porto rico imports [a reason for living] is much needed.
hallelujah. praise new york. these seemingly small things are entirely NOT over-rated. that i can stumble over to the deli and pay $2 for such a delectable life changing breakfast...well it just kinda makes me feel like the luckiest california transplant ever. i love you nyc. woot.

xokg.

wow. really? (my head hurts and other fun stories)

let's begin with a side note ---> only in new york do they not only make your coffee for you adding the perfect amount of cream and sugar in an instant...but they place it ever so kindly in a paper bag with napkins and hand it to you.
so strange.
i'm lovin it.

ok back to my head.
it's hurting. a lot. a ton. mucho. beaucoup.
i narrowly escaped turning into a gremlin.
shannon is in town and trouble is already loose.
we headed out to see the james armata show last night (um. heaven. if you haven't seen him you are missing out. ps. crazy drunk irish people are not the authority on channeling k thanks. i am.)

despite our best effort to see the show then head straight home so we could get shannon to bed since she hadn't really slept or eaten in about two days...well.....we.....ended up drinking. let's see...wine, beer, whiskey (omg i'm so sorry jameson i cheated on you but he wasn't irish so does it really count???), jager, vodka. repeat. and no, i'm NOT wondering why my head hurts so bad today. but thanks for asking. (5am bedtimes are nifty.)

i'm not going to explain much more. photos tell a much better story. let's just say that telecasters rule. unborn alien babies drool. and i love everyone. even you.

:)

only in ny

so let's pretend this is a new column of sorts. oh wait it is. forgive me but today i am de-ler-i-ous.
only in ny?
it's true.
i saw a man with the nyc skyline SHAVED INTO HIS HEAD
it was pretty rad and he mighta tried to kick my ass had i taken his picture so i refrained from running after him down the street.
stay tuned for the next 'only in ny'
lovers you.